Holidays

You guys, there is no Black Friday in Canada.

blackfridaynoYou know why? We get Boxing Day. Remember? It’s the day after Christmas when you stand in line in stores you don’t usually go to and buy shit you don’t need (because Christmas was literally yesterday and you got a whole bunch of stuff just for showing up to that)?

Black Friday is a made-up holiday because we want what our American friends have EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY HAVE IT JUST ONE MONTH LATER. Also, somewhere around 15 years ago it became Boxing Week so there was not even any urgency to getting to the mall on December 26.

I don’t like Boxing Day either. I worked at a retail sporting goods and clothing store when I was putting myself through the first misguided years of my undergraduate education, and it was a fucking sham. Shit was marked down for Boxing Day two weeks before Christmas! There were maybe two actual Boxing Day mark-downs, and they’d have only mattered to you if you needed one particular brand of hockey skates or ski goggles. But still, they made us stay late on Christmas Eve to put big yellow tags on every goddamn thing in the store so that the hordes would think they were getting huge bargains.

Why would you want to slough off every last bit of goodwill you mustered the day before to save money on shit you would not have bought if it wasn’t on sale? Why would you want to enter a mall when you don’t have to anymore?

So, Black Friday. It’s not our thing, and yet I’m seeing ebullient consumers all over the Canadian internet just champing at the bit to get DEALZ! DEALZ! DEALZ! because the marketing worked and corporate greed dictates yet another occasion to spend money we don’t have on shit nobody needs. Other bloggers are hosting Twitter parties to promote Canadian Black Friday deals (again NOT A THING) and I’m pissed because I use Twitter as a distraction and Friday is a work-day.

Side note: Any brand involved in any sort of “Twitter Party” is not getting any of my money ever, and I will speak ill of it to my friends and family. I’m looking at you, Cottonelle. *Spits*

I’m tired of this constant push to SHOP! BUY! SAVE! Boxing Day is one thing – we already have it, so whatever. But adding this new day to the mix is irritating and makes me feel gross. We don’t need this twice. This is the time of year we buy stuff at holiday craft fairs and support our local businesses, we don’t spend it killing each other at fucking Walmart.

So consider me Black Friday Scrooge. I’ll be over here saving money by not spending any of it and relishing the few quiet moments before the holiday rush begins.

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